I think it's because they can tell that I have no interest in sex with them. Haphephobia has affected all my relationships, but actually I think women respond to me much more positively than other guys.

It's just that touching wasn't their thing. In fact, when I was little, I once overheard Mum on the phone talking about how disgusting it is that families kiss their children. And like her, I think my parents have only hugged me a few dozen times in my entire life. Interestingly, my maternal great-grandmother was called 'The Great Untouchable' behind her back. They told me that 'human beings need touch,' even though they weren't very physical with their affection. When I saw it, I wanted to show everyone and say, 'See! It's a real thing!' so I did exactly that. Then, when I was doing research for a psychology paper, I came across the term haphephobia. I've felt this way my whole life, but it wasn't until my freshman year of high school when that damn 'Free Hugs' video came out that I realised I had a problem. A friend once pointed out that it's funny to watch me move through a group of people because I casually contort myself around everyone to make sure we don't touch.

I just feel violated until I focus on something else. If they do touch me, it almost burns, and I can feel their hand for a long time afterwards. I can remember all this because whenever someone gets close I become anxious. Until recently, I could remember every single time a person touched me in my life: where they had touched me, and what I should have done to prevent it. I can't explain it much better than that.

Wife gets touched by stranger